The Sleep Study

So I complained to my doctor about being tired all the time. I am sleepy at odd times during the day, I fall asleep driving and am forced to pull over to take a nap. She says, "Have you ever done a sleep study?"

OK, so what I picture is laying in a staged bedroom trying to sleep with a group of people analyzing my every move on the other side of a two-way mirror. Plus, I have three children. How could they manage without me for an entire night?

"I really think it would help," she says. "It may help you lose weight as well."

And she's got me. I mean, who doesn't want to believe that one could lose weight while sleeping?!

Turns out my idea of a sleep study wasn't too far off. You are in a room and you are being not only watched, but recorded. Eek. Anyway, I am already there and I think this could be nice... a night in a bed all to myself. When I told Van about the sleep study he thought it sounded pretty funny.

"You don't have a sleep disorder! You just have three children. Did you tell her that two out of three of them end up in our bed every morning?"

So I found that the thing about a sleep study is that you actually have to sleep. Did I mention that it took my nurse 45 minutes to hook me up to all of the sensors and other random equipment? How the hell is a person supposed to sleep if she can't even roll over. And believe me, I am a roller. And a kicker. And a whiner. (I do that when I am awake and asleep!)

Obviously, I couldn't sleep. I just don't see how anyone could. Whenever I did fall asleep I was plagued by dreams of octopuses (octopi?) suctioning my face and head.
My nurse said I finally did "achieve R.E.M. sleep" (like it was some sort of accomplishment) around 4:30 in the morning. They woke me at 5:30am. And then I had to drive home over a fresh coating of snow. I thought, "Wouldn't it be ironic if I fell asleep driving on the way home from my sleep study?"

Well, apparently I do have a sleep disorder and I have, of course, used this as my excuse over the last week to take a nap whenever I feel like it. Anyway, day 2 or, more accurately, night 2 of the sleep study is coming up. This time I have to wear a machine that will no doubt make me look and sound like Darth Vader. On the up side, maybe it will scare my children enough to keep them out of my bed.